Could you gift differently these holidays?

Every year, in the weeks and days before the holidays (or Mother’s/Father’s/Valentine’s Day), the same frenzy unfolds:

• Facebook groups are full of What gift should I get for…?, often followed by They already have everything.
• Retail stores are packed; parking lots are bursting at their seams.
• Delivery vans are dropping more parcels at people’s homes than at any other time of the year.

Many people are stressed and feel under pressure. Yet, everyone buys gifts for their loved ones, even those who can’t afford them. Because that’s the way it is. But does it have to be like this?

Today, we will demystify gift-giving and suggest a more sustainable approach that benefits everyone: you (and your wallet/sanity), your loved ones, and our environment.

Why do we give gifts?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? Doing some research on the topic without being experts ourselves, gift-giving seems to be (at least) as old as mankind itself.

Back in the day, when humans lived in caves, gifts were exchanged between groups that would meet each other for the first time. Tribes used gifts to identify whether their counterpart was a friend or foe, with the reciprocity of the giving and accepting interpreted as a sign of being friendly to one another. Gift-giving (and receiving) formed the start of relationships.

While gift-giving has evolved since caveman times and continues to evolve, it exists in all cultures, with the expectation of reciprocity more pronounced in some cultures than in others. Three scholars presented gifts to Jesus: Frankincense, Gold, and Myrrh, each carrying special significance. This tradition is one of the main reasons we exchange gifts at Christmas and on birthdays today.

Gift-giving is one of the five love languages: Gifts are vehicles through which we express our love and appreciation for one another.

Gift-giving makes us feel good. It allows us to connect with the people in our lives and gives us a sense of purpose and belonging. After all, we are social creatures.

A lot of pleasure is in the giving, knowing you’ve taken care of someone – Tracy Ryan, Professor for Advertising Research at VCU

The downside of gift-giving

We all have seen (or experienced ourselves) the stress in the lead-up to the holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day… you name it.

Using the economic lens of value exchange, spending $100 on someone else could be of far greater value to the recipient than spending the $100 on ourselves. Consider those less fortunate than many of us.

The flip side, however, is also true: $100 gifted may have far less value to that person than if we had spent it on ourselves. Think of the bracelet your mum bought you (and you never wear).

In its survey on Christmas gifts, ING uncovered some interesting findings:

• 70-75% of survey participants felt that Christmas was too focused on spending, with 42-47% of respondents feeling forced to splurge at this time of year.
• Thankfully, most people are sensible about their spending. But people get into debt (22% in the US, 10% in Europe) to buy Christmas gifts.
• While most people appreciate their gifts, 14-19% of survey participants were unhappy with them (if they remembered them).

What do people do with unwanted gifts they don’t want to hold on to? In the US, 40% re-gift them, 31% return them to the store, and 19% throw them away. In Australia, 20% donate them to charity. In Europe, 14% sell them.

Gift-giving has environmental effects, too: increased traffic on the roads, unwanted gifts ending up in landfills, and the ecological costs associated with manufacturing many items made in countries less focused on sustainability.

So, how do you prevent unwanted gifts?

You could stop gifting altogether, but that’s not what we suggest here. However, we can all do quite a few things to prevent unwanted gifts.

As a giver, avoid gifts that are very personal, such as clothing, shoes, cosmetics or perfume – unless you were explicitly asked to buy a particular item.Asking the recipient directly or someone close to them, such as parents, children, or partners, is an effective way to determine what someone would appreciate.

Recipients can make the lives of givers easier, too. As kids, we made wish lists, and there is nothing wrong with sharing your wish list with your loved ones as an adult:

• If you always wanted to visit a particular place but it has been too expensive, everyone could chip in to make that wish come true.
• If you are a student about to move away from home, why not use a gift registry to help your family settle in your new place?

Speaking of wish lists: Is your children’s wish list way more than you can afford? Don’t get into debt to buy what they want. Talk to them and make a realistic plan to save up for that special gift over some time. Ask other family members to contribute to achieving the savings goal faster. And depending on your children’s age, they could even take on the odd little job to help with the funding. Money doesn’t grow on trees, and your children must know that.

Often, the hardest ones to get on board are grandparents, for example, when they take the word baby shower too literally or when they think their taste applies universally. But the same principle applies to anyone: communicate, communicate, communicate.

Also, who restricts gift-giving to special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, and the like? If you want to express your love and appreciation for someone with a gift and see something that would resonate with them, why not buy and/or gift it there and then?

Alternatively, you could take note of your gift ideas for the people in your life (whenever the ideas turn up) and then refer to that list when you decide to go shopping for that special occasion. It makes for a less stressful shopping experience, guaranteed.

Finding a gift that will be appreciated by someone you don’t know very well is often the most difficult one. Think of the Secret Santa you do each year with your work colleagues: You set a budget and draw a name, but then you’re left to figure out what to get for them. Why not extend the Secret Santa idea just a little bit? Instead of just putting a name on the ticket, each recipient could list three things they would appreciate, leaving the gift giver to choose among them.

You could do the same as a family, avoiding the massive pile of gifts under the Christmas tree and potential disappointment.

Gift ideas that are a win for everyone

Before we share some specific gift ideas, let’s remind ourselves why we give gifts first: Gifts symbolise our love and appreciation for each other. Gifts connect us and make us feel good. We don’t need to buy the most expensive jewellery or many cheap toys to achieve that.

We can achieve the benefits without lighting a lot of resources on fire, we can achieve the warm feelings associated with giving without buying a lot of stuff people don’t want. – Joel Waldfogel / Economist and Author

For those who’ve got it all

When Paul and I married, we already had a household together. We didn’t need anything to be added to it. Yet, especially at weddings, people often feel odd if they come empty-handed to celebrate with you. We, therefore, created a gift registry of a different kind, shortlisting different charities and different types of donations at various price tags, from which our guests chose as they preferred. Our gift registry raised more than AUD700 in donations.

Another great example we have seen friends do is a wishing well: their guests would put envelopes with money into a (bucket decorated as a) wishing well. The money gifts contributed towards their honeymoon of a lifetime. Gift cards and plain old money may not seem the most inventive gift ideas. But the gift you are giving is the gift of choice.

Charity donations and wishing wells are not just great for weddings, by the way (or only for people who’ve got it all):

• Instead of a physical birthday gift, an animal lover will appreciate donations to an animal welfare charity on their behalf.
• Your grandson has this plan to backpack around the world. So, why not have a wishing well on his 21st?

The unusual gift

If you ask someone what they would do if money were not an option, chances are they’d have an answer for you immediately. So, everyone could use a lottery win, right? Well, one of the most unusual yet, IMHO, perfectly sensible gifts could be a lottery ticket or scratchy. Just don’t expect to receive a share if it does turn out to be the winning ticket.

Your gift is the gift

Paul’s best friend gifted us her photography services at our wedding reception. Leveraging her skills and living her hobby simultaneously, she created wonderful memories of a special day for us.

Are you a handy person? Does everyone love what you cook? Do you enjoy baking? Do you have a green thumb? Whatever it is, your gift might be just the right gift for someone you love. Baking your granddaughter’s favourite cake for her birthday or turning your elderly parents’ overgrown backyard into a beautiful oasis for them to relax in are wonderful gestures that mean the world to those on the receiving end.

And if you don’t have the gift, why not pay someone who has it? All it takes is a bit of thinking outside the box, literally.

Gifting your time

The next idea goes hand in hand… A great gift (any time of the year) is to volunteer your time, be it to babysit your nephews and nieces when your sister has to go to the doctor, to bring meals to the homeless and elderly or to tutor kids after school.

Making time in your busy schedule to visit your grandma would surely make her day (and yours). Even just coming home earlier from work to spend (more) time with your partner and/or children would be a win for everyone. Why not make it a habit: every Friday, you come home early and do something special with/for your family.

The memorable gift

This brings me to my last gift idea: experiences.

Even before I knew what minimalism was, I preferred gifting experiences (especially those that involved spending time with the recipient):

• a picnic with friends by the beach
• a helicopter ride over Sydney
• a musical.

I would create vouchers for the experience, sometimes using riddles to help the recipient guess what the experience would entail.

Vice versa, one of the most memorable gifts I have received was being whisked away by a friend after work one day to watch U2 that night (a concert I had missed out on securing tickets for)—a beautiful surprise.

Experiences don’t have to cost much, either. Taking your children on a camping weekend (or even just tenting together in your backyard) would be a wonderful memory for them (and you).

Before you go, if you liked our article and found it helpful, we would appreciate it if you could share it with your friends and family via the Share buttons below. Even better: Leave a short review on Trustpilot or Google, which would help us further build our online reputation as a (trustworthy and helpful) travel and lifestyle blog.